Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
