shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
