its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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