I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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