so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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