Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You were trust falling into bushes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
