Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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