1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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