please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
