You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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