I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
