i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
