i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
