I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
