You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize