wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
