For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
