I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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