This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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