boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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