I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
