You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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