forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
