should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
