Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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