"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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