we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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