Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
