Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I came so hard my ears popped.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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