I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
