wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
