I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
