dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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