he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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