he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize