you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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