toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just made out with a guy for $7.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
