first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize