Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't turn off my feet"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
