Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You're like the curious george of whores
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
