Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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