Sponge bath it is.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
