apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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