Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
