Reggie can tackle my bush.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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