I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
