How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
