your thong is hanging out like whoa
actually, I'm a sock model
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
