He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
