I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
