someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I will pee on everything he values.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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