maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
