Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
