After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He better not be in your backpack
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
