You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize