i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
