This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
