I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
