____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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