I want to stick my p in your. b.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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