they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
