You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
