I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
