Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
