just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
