This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
