you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
