areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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