Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
