I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize