you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
