Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
