i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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