I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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