This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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